When Words Send You Back to Peru
Someone mentioned Machu Picchu the other night, and just like that, I was mentally yanked back to Peru – no airfare required. Suddenly, I was reliving the moment we decided, after surviving Brazil and Bolivia, that hiking the Inca Trail for seven days sounded like a completely reasonable idea.
We checked into a cheap hotel in Cuzco, reorganised our lives, and prepared to hike from Ollantaytambo to Machu Picchu. We packed “only the essentials,” which apparently meant half of Outdoor Warehouse: food for a week, tent, sleeping bags, gas cooker, and the all-important Micropur tablets. Luckily, the two guys I travelled with carried everything heavy. I supervised from a safe distance.
Camp Life, Clean(ish) Water & Endless Laughter
Every evening we searched for a campsite near water – not to drink, obviously, because the local campesinos used the rivers for absolutely everything. So we purified our water with Micropur tablets and hoped for the best.
Nights were spent cooking pasta, laughing ourselves into exhaustion, and planning the next day’s climb. It was basic, chaotic, and oddly wonderful.
Mornings had one guaranteed ritual: tea. One of the boys needed his cuppa. That’s when we discovered that to boil water at altitude is basically 😛performance art. The first morning, we stared at that pot for nearly an hour before anything happened. After that time, someone would automatically put the kettle on in the morning, the moment they opened their eyes.
Heights, Fog & Selective Courage
I’m terrified of heights, and the trail frequently clings to cliffs that look like they’re auditioning for an obituary headline. Fortunately, thick fog usually hid the worst of it. If I couldn’t see the drop, it didn’t exist. That was my philosophy.
So I stared straight ahead, kept breathing, and pretended that the mountain had guardrails. Spoiler: it did not.
The Final Push: Terror Meets Magic
After three brutal 4,000-metre passes, we camped at Wiñay Wayna on the last night and woke before dawn to beat the tourist buses. The final stretch was narrow, steep, and absolutely designed by someone who enjoyed other people’s fear. The boys assured me afterwards that they were grateful the fog was so thick, as I couldn’t see the abyss beside me… I would have frozen mid-step like a traumatised llama.
And then it happened!! The clouds slowly lifted, and Machu Picchu appeared below us, glowing in sunlight like a scene straight out of a travel documentary. It was breathtaking, surreal, and absolutely worth every blister.
We explored happily until the tourist buses arrived and turned the place into a human ant colony. We attempted to book the luxury hotel – fully booked, obviously – so we hopped onto the cheap train back to Cuzco and pretended it was all part of the rustic charm.
The Eternal Entrepreneur
That evening in town, we met some American guys about to start the trail. One of my friends immediately offered to guide them for $150 a day – each. They agreed without hesitation. At first, I thought he was pushing his luck, but honestly? He knew the good campsites and the bad ones. Considering how often we’d camp, only to stumble upon a far better spot ten minutes later, his “expertise” was actually worth something.
My eternal entrepreneur.
Looking back, I’m amazed we survived the cliffs, the altitude, and the pasta-based diet. But the fog, the laughter, and that sunrise over Machu Picchu made every blister worth it. And if anyone needs a guide for $150 a day – I know a guy…
Time for a laugh!!
A friend of mine went to the doctor. The doctor said,
“I can’t believe you’re 95 – you’re in amazing shape!”
My friend said, “I’m a backpacker. All that hiking keeps me fit.”
The doctor asked, “How old was your father when he died?”
“Who said my father’s dead?! He’s 122 – out hiking today.”
The doctor said, “Incredible. How old was your grandfather when he died?”
“Who said my grandfather’s dead?! He’s 141.”
“141?! Where is he?”
“Getting married today.”
“Why would a 141-year-old want to get married?”
“Who said he wanted to? He had no choice! ”
😛😉😭😂🤣
If you enjoyed this story, why not read how I arrived there after my Caipirinhas and Copacabana Capers adventure in Brazil?
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