There is a very specific kind of frustration that sits right behind your eyes and slowly tightens your jaw – and for me, it arrives the moment I get behind the wheel in Cape Town. It’s not just irritation; it’s a steady build-up of disbelief, disbelief that so many bad Uber drivers are licensed to operate heavy machinery in public spaces.
Driving in Cape Town can be an absolute nightmare. Sometimes I wonder where people buy their licences… because they definitely couldn’t have passed the test!
Indicating to change lanes? They Never heard of it, apparently. They drift between left and right like they’re possessed. No one knows where they’re going – least of all them! I’m constantly fighting the urge to scream,
“Pick a lane, bonehead!”
Then there’s the genius who trundles along at 40 km/h in the fast lane, proudly leading a parade of trapped drivers behind him. Overtaking (undertaking?) illegally in the slow lane becomes like a survival tactic. Crazy.
Uber drivers are especially bad. I suppose coming from countries where they drive on the opposite side of the road might explain some of it, but honestly if you’re driving for a living… Learn the rules of the bloody road, idiot!
They also love to just… stop. In the middle of busy roads…. Hazard lights on. Job done. To pick up a fare. No looking into their mirrors. No indicators. No brain. They just stop.
And U-turns? Oh, they adore a random, brainless U-turn. No awareness. No concern. No shame.
Another personal hell… the robot (traffic light) queue jumpers. You know the ones. They roar up the wrong lane and shove their noses in right at the front of the queue like absolute assholes.
So rude… While we sit patiently, politely, like civilised humans, and then miss the robot three times because these pricks can’t queue like functional adults!
They must be in a hell of a hurry. Probably late for their next terrible decision.
Anyway, enough bitching… but honestly, it’s infuriating.
One woman said she realised her road rage when she was in the supermarket with her little five-year-old sitting in the trolley seat. Some guy was zigzagging aimlessly, blocking the aisle with his trolley, when the kid leaned forward and shouted, “Pick a lane!”
Hysterical. Also deeply concerning for all of us.
On a lighter note, time for some Uber driver jokes!!
Many Uber drivers turn into good drivers.
So, if you’re a good driver, watch out for turning Ubers! 😛
…during his drive, an Uber driver gets a call from his wife:
“Be careful honey!! I just saw on the news that there’s a maniac driving down the wrong side of the freeway…”
“One?!! No, there are HUNDREDS of them!!” 😂
A young man and his hot date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped…
“I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”
The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.
“Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.
“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually an Uber driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
Please let me know in the comments if you have any similar stories to share?
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are entirely subjective and are intended for entertainment purposes. Not all Uber drivers are bad; I’ve also had good experiences with Ubers. They are better than the majority of South African taxis.
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I wonder if these frustrations are American?
Here in South Africa, I’d totally agree with you if you changed ‘Uber’ driver to ‘taxi’ driver.
I’ve not had any problems with our Uber drivers, but definitely with our taxi drivers can drive us to frustration with their selfish attitudes.
There is absolutely nothing “American” about these frustrations – they are a daily thing in the Cape Town CBD. Perhaps Ubers are not so bad in other areas? This blog post was entirely based on personal experience.
Try driving to a stop-street… only to find the Uber on his phone, and you can’t get past unless you drive dangerously into the oncoming lane on a blind corner? Try sitting for 5min in bumper-to-bumper traffic in the city… waiting your chance to drive around an Uber which has decided to “park” in the road instead of on the side!
Try negotiating a green traffic-light, where the Uber has decided to make a U-turn but is stuck halfway between your lane and the oncoming traffic?
SA Taxi drivers are a different breed, and are also terrible. But I guess you don’t really suffer from Ubers where you are? We play Uber-spotting and it is so easy! They drive at 30km/h and don’t let you get past. Then they stop suddenly, so that you have to reverse in order to be able to pass them.
They look like “normal” cars… but when you see how they drive, they’re so easy to identify! You should feel blessed that you don’t have to suffer them.